Sometimes it is hard for me to remember what I have already talked about in this blog, or told people already. So if some of what I write is repetitive, I apologize. Apparently, those things are still on my mind.
The days have slowed down a lot. It is always amazing how crazy the first few weeks of school seem to be; and how many things go wrong during that time (every year). Last week was still a little crazy, but not quite as much. Mostly, the weeks just seem really long. I have never wanted to go back to California so much! I should clarify. Monday and Tuesday seem to last forever. Usually, the week goes pretty fast after that. This week was the exception for that rule. We had picture day at school this week, I was on bus duty, and I had my JPAS interview with the principal.
I have been telling the kids about picture day all week. Most of them remembered to wear nice clothes. What they forgot to do was check their mailboxes and take home the picture day order form. Part of this was my fault, I should have reminded them to check their mailboxes everyday. I did give them this big lecture about being responsible and how I wouldn't always be able to make sure they took their stuff home. They have been good about getting their things since I gave that speech. Unfortunately, that didn't help on the actual picture day. Instead I had over half my class in the office calling home for picture day forms. I felt really bad. The office staff told me not to worry. Apparently, there were many other students from many other classes that were up there calling as well.
I was on bus duty as all of this was happening. Each grade does bus duty for one week at a time (we do this several times a year). We do crosswalk in front of the school, pull forward (which is basically the parents ignoring us as we tell them to drop their kids of quickly and leave so that a huge line doesn't form), making sure kids get in and out of the bus correctly and are going through the right doors to the school, and back duty (which is watching the playground in the morning). No one enjoys bus duty and it takes a lot of time. Plus, the parents look like they are going to run us over with their cars half the time. Fun stuff! So, trying to do bus duty and handle the picture day stuff was a little crazy and overwhelming.
We finally sorted everything out. I only ended up with a few kids not being ready for picture day. The teachers have to have pictures taken as well. So, Marlene and I went to do ours before school started. Last year I felt really rushed and I hated the way the picture turned out. This time, I was able to relax and take my time. While we were in there, the people who do the pictures found out that they had accidentally sorted the students into last year's classes. So, I should have had a stack of cards for my kids from this year. Instead, I had a stack of cards from last year. They did this for every single student. They were all wrong. They started trying to resort and label them right away. Throughout the day, as they got one class finished they would call them down and take their pictures. It was chaos! We got call just after 11am. We had read aloud with another class at 11:30, so I figured we might be done in time. Not so much, we were a little late for read aloud. The whole picture process took 20-30 minutes. It has never taken that much time.
We went to read aloud for 15 min, and then the other class was called down. Marlene's class had the worst of it. The picture people called them down 10 min before lunch. She tried to tell them that they couldn't be late for lunch. The people kept telling her that they would have plenty of time. Yeah, they went ten minutes into their lunch time. She was thrilled. The whole day was really stressful for all of us. In the midst of all of this, I was trying to prepare my room and myself for my interview. I had already had the two observations, which I think went well, and just needed to show her my data and evidence for the interview. I think that part went well too; I had all the things that she was looking for in my binder. Now, I just have to wait for my scores and will meet with her again and she will go over observations in detail. So, I have some more waiting to do until the whole process is over. It just made the day that much more stressful.
I think that I already posted that we found out that we get our steps and lanes this year. So, I am still behind in pay (and always will be, if I stay in this district), but it is a little better. The best thing that happened this week came in the form of an email from a parent of one of my students. She told me how she know how stressful teaching is and how teacher's have to pay for so much with their own money. She said that every year, they like to donate a $100 gift card to their children's classes for supplies and offered me a choice of stores. It was the nicest surprise ever! I get to tired of spending my own money on things for the class. I emailed her back right away and told her how grateful that I was for her generosity.
So, that's it. Just another crazy week in my life as a teacher. I still miss my family. I am worried that I won't be able to leave after I go home for the holidays. I have that thought every year. This year is seems a little more valid. When I first moved here, it felt right. I knew that I was supposed to be in Utah. I don't feel that way anymore. I just haven't figure out where I am supposed to be. Maybe what I am feeling is just that I need to make a change. Now is the time to make career changes. I don't get paid a lot, I don't have that much invested yet, my list of friends isn't very large right now (because they keep moving or getting married), and all of my real, forever, attachments are in Southern California. I hope that I do get to make a positive change next year. I need something good it my life. Every night I pray that something really big and positive will happen. I know that I am blesses. I try to take the time to count the little blessings, but when life is hard it isn't easy to see those little things. The bad things always seem so huge and devastating Why can't some of the good things be that big and life changing? I just want some happiness back in my life.
One positive thing, I have been able to start looking at pictures of Kody without totally losing it. It is still really hard, but I would rather see the pictures of him. On my cell phone, I actually have a video of him sleeping. I took it while we were at the cabin this summer. My dad was on the phone with his parents and Kody was taking a nap in the middle of the room. You could always tell when Kody was really asleep because he would start moving in his sleep. He was no where close to those dogs on Youtube that end up running into walls when they sleep. He would just twitch and move around. It was really entertaining. He always slept the deepest while he was at the cabin. I think that he was his happiest there. In retrospect, I wish we could have spread his ashes, or buried, him at the cabin. His ashes were spread over the ocean in San Diego, I guess that there is a company that does that in California. Anyways, I like to watch the short 30 sec video I have of Kody sleeping. I still can't believe that I won't see that again. Great, here comes the tears. I really haven't stopped crying since August 25. My goal is to make it one day without crying at all. We will see how that goes.
I hope that you are all doing really well and that you can't receive some of those huge great moments in your lives!
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