Kody

Today I learned that my beloved dog, Kody, passed away.  He was 15 years old.  It happened really suddenly.  He had gotten into the garbage earlier this week (which is something he did all of the time).  I guess he got sick after and was throwing up and acting strange.  The next day he seemed fine.  It went like that for a few days.  He would be really sick and then the next day he would be a little better.  Of course, I didn't know that any of this was going on.  I was busy getting ready for the new school year, in Utah.  This morning I received a text from my sister informing what was happening and letting me know that my parents were taking Kody to the vet.  I called my sister right away.

Throughout the day, I would receive updates from her as she spoke with my parents over the phone.  The vet put Kody on oxygen and a I.V.  He was breathing slowly and his gums were pale.  They did blood tests and found that his blood pressure was low and that his blood was thin and not clotting.  They theorized that he had somehow ingested an aspirin product; but they didn't know for sure.  They told my parents that he needed a blood transfusion.  They had to drive to Ontario to get in done.  I guess, that on the way he collapsed.  The hospital tried to revive him, but he never woke up again.

I was sitting in my apartment waiting for an update when my cell phone rang.  It was from my Mom's phone.  All I could think was "no."  I answered and my Dad was on the phone.  As soon as I heard his voice I knew that Kody was gone.  He confirmed the feeling that I had.  "We lost him."  Since that moment I have pretty much been crying non-stop.  I don't know what to do. I have never lost a pet, or even a family member.  I don't know how to deal with loss.  Plus, I am all alone here in Utah.  I have no one.  So, I just sit here crying.  Mostly it is just a steady stream; but, every once in a while I start sobbing so hard that I can't breathe.

I feel like I should have been there.  Or that the last time that I saw him, I should have hugged him longer.  I am grateful that I was able to have one last summer with him in California, and at our family cabin.  However, that thought doesn't take away the overwhelming sense of pain and sadness that I feel.  I hate Utah right now. I hate being here.  I need to be at home.  I hate the fact that I can't do anything...that all that I can do is sit here in my apartment, by myself.  I can't believe that I will never see him again.  He won't be there when I visit my family.  He will never chase his tail or hid socks in corners around the house.  He will never go on another ride on our ATVs.

I hate that it was so sudden.  We were sure that he would be around for a few more years.  He had lost almost all of his hearing and had a tiny bit of arthritis; but, overall, he was really healthy.  We should of had more time with him.  I wish that I could have seen him and held him one more time.  I wish I could be with my family.  In spite of the fact that I know that it is true, I still cannot believe it.  I don't know what else to say.  Instead, I will say goodbye.  I am going to go cry some more.